Sunday, September 9, 2018

So I am still pondering how to move forward and specifically regarding CBD.

Three years I have been in debilitating pain wandering in despair.  The only break was during cancer treatment.

I used cannabis successfully to treat a tumor and experienced pain relief for 3 months.  My plan was to get better and get back to pharmacy work part time.

But my physical pain rebounded as did the melancholy.  The dilemma is that cannabis is still schedule one-- federally designated as a narcotic with no medical benefit--and I would not be able to work as pharmacist as employers generally drug test at hiring, promotions and for cause. So I have fought to be pain free naturally using neuroplastic reprogramming techniques, anti inflammatory diet, a lot of heat, physical/massage therapy when I think can afford it, and occasional opiate use.

I don't want to be dopey but the pain I am in already prevents me from doing calculations or being social for any length of time.  I can put on a mask of composure for a conversation, maybe an hour or even an afternoon occasionally but I am not ready for prime time.

I have to try something else.

The question is... is it time to just let pharmacy go and live whatever life I can.
Can I be done with this arm, neck , back pain and malaise?

Can I throw off cultural conditioning to the dipoles of rabid ambition chasing achievement and intermittent debilitation to find some middle ground where I might enjoy the time I have left on Earth.  Will I lose mental capacity and short term memory to dopiness?...have I lost it already to years of pain, isolation and depression?

Is CBD worth throwing out the past livelihood in hopes of some new future?

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